Rest

That title is exceptionally misleading for a girl who is a Biochemistry/Molecular Biology major, dancer, freshman RA, active member of Belmont Catholic, and a new member of Alpha Gamma Delta. Nor does it reflect the mentality of a girl who goes to the gym six or seven times a week. However, I am not going to talk about resting in a sleep sense...because really, who gets that anymore?

“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light." ~Matthew 11:28-30

This is a very famous verse for a very good reason. We are all tired. We spend all day fighting for a better life, better body, better paycheck, better position in life, and better everything. We try to be perfect because the world tells that that is what we need to be. Therefore, we are all burden by some degree of extra labor. 

In order to have the lives that we think we need, we try to plan everything. We run around and tell ourselves that we can run the world for ourselves. After all, if we have free will, then we should totally be able to handle anything that comes our way. We can be perfect if we try hard enough. It's the mentality that we are strong enough on our own to do what the world wants that brings us to a breaking point.

My Burden

I tried to control a lot of my life, and I tried to say that I was perfectly fine. God was just a tool to make things easier for me. Certainly He was not in charge of my life! He could not possibly give me a better route to eternal happiness than the toil that I took on on this Earth!

I justified this by saying that my struggles were my cross to carry. After all, we are all given a cross to carry, and we have to keep it going.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me." ~Matthew 16: 24

Every day, I struggled with  my insecurities and my mental health and my heartbrokenness on my own because I was too proud to believe that I was misinterpreting what Jesus meant by saying to take up our cross. In fact, sometimes I thought I was becoming a better Christian because I was surviving so many more struggles and succeeding at so many tasks that others would not have been able to in my condition. If I could make it through all of that turmoil, then obviously I was getting closer to understanding the beauty of God in Heaven.

But wait, didn't Jesus say, "My burden is light?" Why did I let this struggle take on my life? Why did I call my mother crying about irrational things, sit in a gazebo to talk for hours, or make my best friend talk to me until the time changed? Surely the burden given to me by Christ is not meant to be this terrible. The real cross brought the Salvation of Mankind and my assumed cross was only brining pain.

I had forgotten what Jesus had said about taking on his burden. "Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart." No, my cross was not all of those trivial things. It was my pride. I needed to admit that I could not handle life on my own.

It's ok to not be ok.

Once I admitted that I was wrong, I started to get some help. I started to talk to people about real things. I saw a doctor. I asked for help in class. I prayed not with formalized and fancy prayers, but rather with my heart. I said

Lord, show me Your will, not my own. 

Clearly I do not understand what I need to be happy

But You do!

Please show me who to love, how to live, and what to do.

Then maybe I can find the life that you had created for me and me alone.

I stopped telling myself that I had it all together, and I told myself that my plan was not the best plan. How could I ever imagine something more fantastic than the life the Creator of the Universe could imagine?

We all try to take control. We all say that we are completely fine and that nothing is going to take over our lives. Confidence is good, but we need to know where our confidence comes from. It comes from the Holy Spirit, dwelling within us, telling us that God loves us and that He has an amazing path for us. By finding confidence in that, we can find a happier life.

Now, many would say, "How can we have free will if God has a plan?"

We have the free will to choose God's plan. We can choose to run to him and throw down our burdens. For some of us, that may be going to church again. For some of us, it may be an apology to someone. For some of us, it may be finally going to see a psychiatrist like I had to. For some of us, it may be a day off with our friends that we haven't talk to in a while or a spontaneous trip home. For some of us, it may be a change in major or a new career. Whatever you have to do, don't be like me and avoid God's amazing plan.

His Plan Worked Out for Me

Since the day I started to see that God's plan was more beautiful than my own, I started to be more real. I took more breaks and talked to people I loved. I admitted my fault, and I stopped worrying about everything and anything. I got help and I found peace in my life from that.

And then God started to reveal blessings left and right. I was accepted to perform research at Notre Dame for the summer, even though I had originally been rejected. More of my friends were around because I was actually able to sit and talk to them. My time at home with my family was not spent studying all day, but rather enjoying my time with them instead.

Life gets better my Dear Friends. I hope that you find strength where you need it and that you get a chance to rest in His ever present love. It certainly is the best place for your soul to be.

Certainly, I am not a perfect person, and I still fail. We all fail. However, if we follow God's plan, life gets a lot better and the pressure is far less.