It was not because I was upset that I could not easily access the film anymore.
It was because I could not dwell in the past anymore.
The Fox and the Hound is a charming film about how two unlikely friends come together, discover the reality of their world, and ultimately move on to living their own lives. For me, this film represents the many friends that have come and gone in my life. I projected myself in to a fictional world that could never leave me. Whenever I felt myself missing these people, I would rush to my room, grab any form of junk food I could (preferably cheesecake), and watch The Fox and the Hound alone in the dark.
Without the movie, I could not hide anymore.
I thought that I would have to face the loneliness and empty feelings head on. Because I could not pretend to be engrossed in the little Disney film, I knew that I would have to acknowledge everything I imagined instead. No longer could I hide from my past. No longer could I be the girl with her cheesecake and her feelings.
I had to be the basket-case with no friends.
At least that's what I thought.
And I know that I am not alone in this fear.
The Root of Our Problems Comes from Dwelling
I think that many people share a similar sentiment. We humans like to dwell in the past, to look backwards, as if sitting in that past scenario will change something. It is easier to be where we know everything.
Even if it hurts, we would rather accept the reality of then as opposed to reality of the now. After all, no one expects anything more of us, and very little effort goes in to sitting in our past. I know that it was easy to slip back in to my pity party with my Netflix and my cheesecake.
The most deleterious result of our laziness is an inability to forgive ourselves. We believe that there is something wrong with us, so fundamentally wrong that maybe just maybe the problem we are facing will never end. And so we do what we are wired to do...
“If you give your body a choice, it will always take the easy way out. Your body lies. It tells you it cannot when it can.” ~Matthew Kelly
We go back to dwelling on the past. For me, it wasn't just watching The Fox and the Hound. It was telling the same stories over and over. It was apologizing for things that I had already been forgiven for. It was for constantly trying to make up for my failures that may have happened years ago. Nothing seemed to be enough for me.
Whatever it is that we do to dwell in our own failings...it is not helping us.
It is only forcing us to tell the same story.
Over and over and over again.
You Lose Yourself in the Dwelling Place.
Just because we were hurt by someone or hurt someone does not mean that there is any reason to dwell on that past reality. The fact of the matter is, the longer we sit in the past, the longer we have to deal with the past. We can't change it.
Sitting in the past can change us.
It can twist us and turn us and make us feel incompetent. It can make us feel like we are the worst person for the job and the most awful friend someone ever had. The past, and everything that comes with it, can only hold us back.
There is no point in dreaming when we believe that we are unable to change. In fact, our dreams are stuck in the distance, where we once held them, all because we are unable to move towards them. And in the midst of our dwelling, we become ordinary people with extraordinary potential....a potential that may never be met.
"Someone, at some point, came up with this very bad idea that an ordinary individual couldn't make a difference in the world. I think that's just a horrible thing." --John Skoll
But that's just it!
You can impact the world.
You can do something.
Put on a New Pair of Glasses.
If we want to be happier, then we need to stop dwelling in the past reality. We have to turn off the sad movies, pick ourselves up, and look around at the beautiful world that God put in front of us. If we sit in the dark, we will become dark.
"What we're finding is it's not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. And if we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness, we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time." ~Shawn Achor
Shawn Achor's quote directly applied to what happened to me last night. I was driving my car when two songs that reminded me of some...not so happy... memories came on back to back. However, because I knew that I was driving back to school for my final semester, my mind had taken on a new mentality.
This was the home stretch.
Last semester.
Best semester.
I have no clue what is going to happen this semester. All I knew was that the girl that left campus at the end of December was ready to take on graduate school, and that I had found myself in the friends I had forgotten along the way. I knew that there was so much in store for the beautiful woman God created, and I knew that there was no way that I could let that go to waste.
I had to stop telling the same stories.
Tell A New Story
For the first time in a long while, I realized that you can't keep telling the same old story over and over again. You can't keep recycling that same old tale that seems to interest everyone. Just because it worked before does not mean that it is going to work later. People will lose interest, and what's worse, you have recycle all of the old emotions that you would rather get rid of.
I kept on repeating myself to an empty audience because I thought it made me interesting.
I watched the same movie over and over again because I thought it would make things better.
But when I decided to choose hope over nostalgia and fear, I found myself getting excited for everything that would come next. I found myself smiling brighter and looking at the world more clearly.
I started writing the next book in the series of my life.
As a point of reference: Mary Poppins is yet again my favorite Disney movie.
Thank you Dear Readers for letting me share this story with you.
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