Why Comparison is Good

Being a 21 year old who dances, is a science major, and is an active community member are all things that lead to a predisposition to comparison. I would love to say that it is simply my environment that leads me to compare myself to others, but that would not be true.

It's because I am a woman.

Now now, before all of the feminist fighters close the tab, allow me to finish my thought.

The Genius of Motherhood

"In fact, woman has a genius all her own, which is vitally essential to both society and the Church." Pope Saint John Paul II

What is this feminine genius? What makes a woman intelligent in a unique way that is not found in men?

It is empathy and feeling.

Society is highly aware that women are more likely to describe their experiences through feelings. They are more likely to cry in a movie, and they are more likely to have an emotional connection to an experience. While the level of emotion is different for each woman, the fact that women are innately tuned to their emotions is highly important.

But how is this a skill? What makes that genius?

Women are more likely to sense the feelings of others around them. This comes evolutionarily from the development of motherhood. The role of a mother in a person's life shapes who they are. Young men learn to respect women from their fathers and they learn what emotion and hard work look like from their mothers. Young women have a role model for their adulthood constantly in their lives.

Most importantly, mommies are the ones to kiss boo-boos.

They start out as cuts and bruises on the playground, but they develop in to deeper issues from the world around us. Regardless of the nature of the injury, a mother is able to help heal her child. How many times do we attempt to hide our issues from our mothers and how many times do we fail to simply because she could tell something was wrong without a word?

God gave women empathy so that no person would be completely alone.

Because women were designed to become mothers, all women have the same genius ability to take away pains from this world. From childhood, a girl is able to tell when something is wrong, either with their friend or with a stranger.

Where Genius Becomes Idiocy

Sensitivity to the world does not just include emotion. In fact, women are able to see far more. According to a study at Brooklyn College, women can see more shades of color then men.

However, because women are so highly relational, the people around them are far more important than the shade of green they are wearing.

As a woman, I notice everything about the people around me. Their height, their weight, their hair, their clothing, their laugh, and everything that I can use to describe them. It makes remembering a face easy, but it causes many issues down the road.

When sin entered the world, the devil took a permanent perch on a woman's shoulder. He whispers in her ear, telling her that she is not good enough, that she will never be good enough. In a desperate attempt to be worth something, a woman will seek out what is good enough.

She will look at the other girls.

She will see their physical form and think, "She has a much better body than me."

Obviously this is wrong for us to do. People have been harping at magazines for changing the images of their models for years, and self promotion articles often remind girls to stop thinking that someone is better than them. Society believes that the real problem lies in self depreciation rooted in our negative comparisons.

They forgot about the second half of a woman's thoughts.

To make herself feel better, she will look at another girl and think, "Well at least I am prettier than her."

We have grown to make comparison a form of consolation for our insecurities. There is always someone that is better than us, but we can always find someone beneath us. If it is not fitness, then it is intelligence. If it is not either of those things, it is number of friends on Facebook. No one wants to be on the bottom.

Women are able to sense the emotions of others, but because we are so concerned with our own image, we ignore everyone around us. Instead of noticing the unique soul standing before us, we think about the mass of carbon based life and its material success. At the end of the day, we only care how we feel in relation to these earthly things.

Fun fact guys: feelings are not objects.

We are using objects to create our feelings.

Because we are constantly comparing ourselves in a way that tears others down, we are not only distorting our own self image, but we are also beating down on the spirits of those around us. People can tell when you are judging them. And no matter how much we don't want to admit it, the feeling of being judged hurts even more when your comparisons define your life.

So if we are going to use comparisons to define ourselves, then we better be using the right ones.

A Better Comparison

The best way to define oneself is in this way:

"See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet so we are." ~1 John 3:1

God made each woman, and He loves them very much. If we are children of the Creator, would it make sense for Him to include something worthless in His family? Of course not. Therefore, we must recognize the truth that each person is beautiful and important and destined for more. There is no way on Earth that any woman could be beneath everyone else, not fundamentally at least.

If we are all on a level playing field, then we must act like we are. The Devil wants to break us apart and make us feel weak by telling us that we are less than what we are, and we perpetuate that sentiment by letting other people know that feeling.

But what if we changed that?

A Call to My Fellow Women

You don't know exactly what someone is insecure about. But as a woman, you can tell that there are insecurities filling her subconscious. You can see her looking around the gym, wondering if she actually fits in with the athletic people. You can see her hiding her exam from her peers, worried that she is not as smart as people thinks she is. You can see her posting solely happy statuses on Facebook and only sharing exciting things, hiding the life that we all have: Netflix marathons and screaming in to pillows.

We need to remind them that they are special.

It doesn't matter how you do it. The easiest way is a simple compliment. Because women are able to see so much more in a person than just their hair color and their height, we can come up with something nice to say to every single person.

One time I told a girl that I adored her hair and that I wish mine looked like hers.

Apparently it was one of her largest insecurities.

You may never know the impact of your single smile or compliment. All you know is that it is important that every person feels special. If you want to be happy, then let everyone else be happy too. I really like the opening verse in "Biscuits" by Kacey Musgraves:

Taking down your neighbor won't take you any higher
I burned my own damn finger poking someone else's fire
I've never gotten taller making someone else feel small
If you ain't got nothing nice to say, don't say nothing at all

If you notice that someone has something that you wish you had, don't try to tear down your neighbor to forget that. Let the girl know that her legs are awesome. Let your lab partner know that you wish you were as good at test taking as they are.

We need to start building people up.

Because once they are confident, then they can starting building us up in return.

Let's fight the devil ladies, one compliment at a time.

Oh. One last thing.

You want to know who is beautiful? Read the first word on this line.