Throw It Out

Today I went to vigil mass with my friend Bryce, and Father Dexter was celebrating the Mass. As expected, he gave a great homily on the meaning of the Gospel. It is the one where Jesus is talking about He is the vine and we are the branches. Father Dexter focused mainly on this verses

"He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit,and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit." John 15:2

Because God made us, we are connected to the vine. Because God loves us, He cuts away the things in our lives that make it more difficult to do all that we are meant to do. However, sometimes we hold on to these things and refuse to allow them to be pruned away. Sometimes, we even fall off the vine ourselves, solely because we could not let go of something that was hurting us.

It hurts a lot doesn't it?

What I think is so difficult about all of this is we believe that we are all convinced that there is one perfect way to be. There is the perfect guy and the perfect girl and the perfect life. I mean, half of you Dear Readers are probably picturing the same things I am.

For me, the biggest struggle I have is the belief that there is a proper body type. A couple of guys who I was very close to said that I was either "too fat" or "too curvy" and I could not let that be the reason I remained single. So I built in the belief that I could perfect my body to the likings of this world. This body is lean and stick-like and fits in to the same clothes as a twelve year old girl. This body is so small that anyone could practically crush them with a hug. These are the girls I see everywhere I go.

I desperately tried to be this person. Even though I always made sure to eat, I lost countless hours of sleep going to the gym and I skipped out on fun events because I wanted to make sure I got my workout in for the day. Worst of all, I had a "fat dress" that I tried on periodically in order to see if I fit in to it still.

This dress is not one for a fat person. It is a size two.

God did not make me for this miserable life. And if you my Dear Reader feel the same way, I want to share this writing I found that showed what God really did mean for us. It's been abbreviated for time's sake, but you can find it online.

Before I became pregnant, someone told me, “don’t have a baby, babies ruin your body.“
How can I be ashamed of that?
My body grew that. Not everybody has that privilege.
Sure my belly is a bit softer nowadays, but the way it moves when I jump up and down sends my girl into fits of giggles. And yeah, my hips are hardly as narrow as they used to be, but they sure know the perfect figure-8 motion to sway her to sleep. My twenty-one year old hair is even beginning to gray, but not much soothes her more than my hair between her little fingers.
I am not something flawless in the eyes of society, or even close to what I once was physically, but my perfect girl sees me for who I am.
To her, I hang the moon. She knows  my heart - she knew it long before we met.
And she loves me for it.
I cannot tell you how much worth and validation I feel because of that truth.
My body is only a vessel for my spirit. An incredible vessel. It is strong, well, able, and undefeated.
My body is full of life.
My body is powerful.
My body made me a mother. If anything, I was ruined by the world before I knew her, and she made me whole again. " ~We Need to Stop Saying "Babies Ruin Bodies" by Ntima Preusser

So yeah, I do not have this stick figure. But I have the hips that will carry my future children. No, I am not rock hard, but in this year alone I have went from running one mile to five and bench pressing thirty more pounds. I have developed a healthy woman with more strength than ever before. I prize that with my greatest joy. No, I am not like everyone else, but I am beautiful. Every single person made by God is beautiful, regardless of what the world may want them to think. 

There is nothing wrong with the women who have that thin body type that I was once so obsessed with. They are beautifully and wonderfully made. They have a different role than I do. There is a reason why we have different clothing sizes, different weight classes, and jobs. Regardless of what you may think of yourself, there is something that you are designed to do and you alone are made for that task.

So then how do we move forward? We allow God to prune off the dead parts of our hearts that hinder our ability to do all that we are meant to do. We choose to live the life that He designed for us and love ourselves for what He made us to be. Sure, you may not know what that is yet; I know I don't. 

But I do know one thing: He made someone beautiful.

So I threw the fat dress out of my closet.

Throw away what is hurting you. You are worth far more then your "short comings"