Lonely In Your Chapter

We all like to say that we are all there for each other and that our chapters are different.

We like to say that everyone has our back and that we feel safe sharing anything with anyone.

We like to say that everything is perfect.

But it isn't.

As much as we love what our sororities stand for, there is something that has crept in to Greek Life that we cannot ignore anymore. It is something that makes some of us feel important, strong, better than anyone else. It is something that tears others apart, and it is killing the meaning behind "Sisterhood."

We form cliques.

Some call it squad. Some call it family. Some call it posse. Whatever it is, we find our little group of friends that we stick to within the chapter, and we avoid the possibility of having an uncomfortable conversation with someone new.

Then we go and complain that we do not know anyone in our chapter.

Because of the clique-y nature of our sororities, we close ourselves off from new relationships. If we do not party, or if we do not go to the same parties, or if we do not have a class with these people, we stand aside. We will smile nicely if they are wearing our letters, but we do not go past that. We do not invite them to grab lunch or coffee, and we certainly do not leave our group when we are at a sisterhood event.

This is not why we joined Greek Life.

Most women enter a sorority because they want to associate themselves with other women that share the same values and are able to lift them up. A sorority is meant to foster kindness and support and friendship across the board. If we wanted to pay to be sorted in to a clique based on our major or personality, then we would just go back to high school.

The number of times that I have seen a sister, whether it be in my own sorority or another one on campus, sitting alone in the middle of her sisters and being completely ignored is too high.

Why do we let people be lonely in a crowded room?

Why do we ignore the fact that while we may have friends, someone is desperately searching for a place to call home?

When I first joined Greek Life, I was one of the girls who sat alone at the basketball games. People talked to me sometimes, and everyone was very accepting and nice, but they were too involved in their clique to really include me on their own. I was very hurt that no one invited me to hang out with them.

I could have dwelled on this.

I could have grown bitter and cynical.

I could have resented the women of my chapter.

But I did something different.

I decided to be the leader that I wanted to see. When I noticed a sister sitting on her own, I would go sit with her. When I met a new member, I made a point to learn their name, find out their twitter handle, and I made sure to tell her which sisters may have the same interests as them. When I go to sporting events, I sit with new sisters each time. When I know I am going to a sisterhood event, I try to meet a new woman each time.

I chose to not have a clique.

I still have my family, and I am extremely grateful for that. My big has supported me beyond compare, and my little has helped me become more confident in the world. However, I do not let my family consume my entire experience within my chapter.

Because I chose to be without a clique, I have had the opportunity to be included in many different cliques. This includes the women who party, but they do not broadcast it on social media. This includes the nerds who save our chapter's GPA. This includes the srat stars, the new members, the quiet girls, the loud girls, the religious girls, the non-religious girls, and most importantly, it includes the women that I never would have expected to meet on my own.

I have gained the love and support of all 196 women within my chapter.

While so many women speak on feeling lonely within their chapters, I have found a place to call home on my college campus.

I have gained the greatest clique of them all: my chapter.

All because I chose to avoid making a clique.

I urge each woman reading this message to reach out to their sisters. I urge you to get to know someone new. I urge you to talk to someone who may feel a bit out of place at chapter. I urge you to look away from your phone and your flawless instagram pictures to look in to the eyes of your sisters and see someone who needs your love.

Let's change #SquadGoals in to #ChapterGoals

Let's mean it when we say, "I have 200 women who are there for me."

Overcomplicate the Simple

My lab group has been struggling on the same freshman biology experiment for about a month now. It is a simple experiment where you combine yeast, sugar, and an indicator to see a bright yellow color. Week one showed no color. Week two showed no color. Week three? Yes. We had no color.

That is, until we changed the yeast.

At first, we had a fancy lab grown yeast solution. My professor said that it was prepared correctly, so we should be fine with it. Because he was so adamant about the yeast being ok, we changed every single part of our procedure to try to get the reaction to work.

Temperature, better sugar solution, more concentrated indicator, more time, different incubation, different growth prosses…they all did not work.

After twelve trials, my professor let out a huff and handed us a solution of yeast made straight off the counter from the grocery store. We repeated the experiment again, thinking that it could not possibly such an easy solution.

Bright Yellow.

This experiment is exactly what happens with our lives. We have this complicated plan with fancy titles and “proper” material, and we fail over and over. Everything around us is made more simple, but there is a voice in our heads that tells us to make the task as difficult as possible. If it isn’t hard, then we are not improving. At least that is what we tell ourselves.

The fact of the matter is that we should not be struggling to make something work.

"We all wish our best was better

Just hopin' that forever's really real

We'll miss a dime to grab a nickel

Overcomplicate the simple"

~Somebody to Love, Kacey Musgraves

We overcomplicate the simple parts of our lives. We diminish our value because of our weight, relationship status, pay check, anything that could be considered just a little bit less than perfect. And just like my experiment, we fail to see the beauty of the life God gave us.

It does not need to be complicated.

A good portion of what we want to have is already in front of us.

Another example is from my dance class. A girl was talking about how she felt like her ribs were too large for her to properly allow her bottom ribs to sink down and her back ribs to float up. For non-dancers, that means that she thought her ribs made it impossible for her to stand up straight in a powerful and meaningful way.

My instructor pulled out her phone and showed us a picture of our ribs from the side.

As you can see, the back of the ribs are much higher than the front of our ribs. Our ribs are already in the position that we need them to be in. They swoop down our front, guarding our heart and lungs with ease. Yet we were acting as if they were flopped the other way, not truly caging our bodies, but rather giving us a weak spot.

“Your body is already the way it is supposed to be. You are exactly who you are supposed to be,” she said.

I think we are always trying to change our lives to become the person that we think we are supposed to be. We exhaust ourselves by working out twice a day and avoiding food tat fuels our bodies. We study a subject we hate because we think it will land us a high paying job. We associate ourselves with people that have the most “liked” instagram photos because we think that will make us feel more important.

These things never work.

We are not meant to be the way that we want to world to see us

Because our lives are set up to be what they are supposed to be from the moment God created us.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

before you were born I dedicated you,

a prophet to the nations I appointed you ~Jeremiah 1:5

It is just as they say in Veggie Tales, “God made you special, and He loves you very much.” Each person has a special place in this world, and we do not need to struggle to find it.

I say this like it has been a breeze for me to accept the life I live.

It wasn’t.

It still isn’t.

I do not have all of the answers for the, “Who am I?” question, but I have accepted that I will always be learning that lesson. I often struggle with why people often moved out of my life, but I have started to see the plan God made for me.

My life is constantly moving and growing and changing, and I do not plan on that ever stopping. God did not grant me a consistent way of life. He gave me numerous passions that allowed me to move all over the place to learn and experience as much as possible. And as I moved about, I met more and more people. 

God gave me a life that is filled with the opportunity to touch many lives over the course of time for whatever brief period they need me for.

There are some consistencies though. These things were sometimes a point of frustration for me, as I believed they made me look weird. Yet God did not wish for me to dislike these things. Each identifying aspect of our lives is what makes us who we are.

I am a scientist, and it is ok that people talk about me like I am too smart all the time. I do not drink, and it is ok that people do not invite me to hang out with them because of it. I am Catholic, and it is ok that people question em on a daily basis. I am obsessed with my family, and it is ok that I send more texts to them than to anyone else. I am extroverted, and it is ok that I have to have people around me 24/7.

So if you think you are dumb, weird, fat, lonely, too quiet, too loud, whatever you think is just a little bit wrong with you, take a moment to appreciate that part of your life.

Look at the big picture.

See that the little thing is not the most important part of your life, but rather see it as a critical part of the beautiful life that you are blessed to have.

"Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary,

23

and those parts of the body that we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor" ~ 1 Corinthians 12:22-23

Do not overcomplicate the simple.

God made you special, and He loves you very much.