One More Minute

While the Feast of the Acension of Jesus really was on Thursday, the Catholic Church moved its celebration to Sunday, as it does every year that the feast does not fall on a Sunday. The Ascencion of Our Lord in to Heaven is very important, and as a result, the Church makes sure that we are reminded of Jesus' place at the right hand of God the Father.

For a long time, I did not understand the value of this celebration. I got that Jesus went to Heaven, and I know that He is my Savior and the Son of God and all of that. But at the end of the day, I didn't entirely relate to the story. I didn't see why it was important to me as a young adult in the 21st century.

Then a priest pointed out an interesting part of the readings. After Jesus had left them and risen, the disciples were still standing in the same place. Then two angels came to them and said,

They said, “Men of Galilee, why are you standing there looking at the sky? This Jesus who has been taken up from you into heaven will return in the same way as you have seen him going into heaven.” ~Acts 1:11

Put yourself in the sandals of the Disciples. Their best friend, the leader of the pack, the greatest man that ever walked the Earth, had just left them. He died already, and they had locked themselves away for three days as they mourned the loss of their friend. As we all know, He came back, and to the Apostles, this must have been the greatest moment of their lives. Even though Jesus said He was going to leave, I could imagine that none of them expected Jesus to leave after only forty days. I mean, if I were them, I would have believed that life was going back to what it used to be, or as close as it could have become.

But Jesus leaves them again. 

So when the Angels come and ask them why they are looking up at the sky, I would assume that some of the Apostles would have been a little bit hurt. Maybe some were trying to keep their manhood and avoid shedding a tear. They don't want to go back to the scary world where everyone wants to kill them and they don't know what to do. They want their teacher, their God in their midst again. They want the guy who can throw tables, cure sick people, and remind them of how to live.

The Angels, who deliver the message of God, remind them that they can't just go back to their old ways. Because Jesus has died and risen again, life has to change. This is how we relate to the Gospel. Because Christ is living and moving in us, we have to change. We can never just sit in the same place forever.

As I have probably stated somewhere else, I am a highly sentimental person. I can recite entire conversations that I had with people in my freshman year of college. I can look at a random pole and remember something that happened there. And when it comes to being comfortable where I am, I practically live to keep things the same. I don't want to be a big person. I don't want change. After all, the past is so beautiful right?

For the majority of move out, I was saying to myself, "Can I be a freshman again for just one more minute?" The prospect of being a senior in a new residence hall and figuring out her future was just too unnerving for the highly nostalgic and sentimental girl I was.

Last night I had the pleasure of attending the baccalaureate Mass for my little brother's high school graduation. They had their class speakers then, and each one of them pointed out how much had changed, yet how little they noticed the time pass by. As I looked down at the crowd, and then at my own hands, I realized the same thing had been happening to me. I was not the same person I was when I first moved in to Patton Hall, and I had become less and less of a freshman with each minute I spent in college.

So no, I could not be a freshman for one more minute.

Instead, I could be more me each minute.

The Apostles represent our greatest fear: change in the unknown. Because they had Jesus guiding them for three years, the Apostles had someone to directly tell them what to do. Now they had to listen to the Holy Spirit, who is much more difficult to hear. But they had to do it in order to spread the Gospel. We too have to move from an obvious and understandable path to one that we are unclear on.

This is ok. Change is good.

You don't need that extra minute

You just need faith that God will take you where you need to go.

My Mom: A Best Friend

It was Mother's Day two days ago, but today is a far more important day in my family. It is my mommy's birthday! For her birthday, I would like to honor her with a post that describes why my mommy is the best mother and woman I know.

Certainly she is an amazing role model and has raised each of the Newton children well, but any mother can do those sorts of things. Any mom can teach a child right from wrong, bring them to church, and create upstanding citizens. However, my mother is something to me that is far greater than any traditional motherly role. She is my best friend.

There are four things a best friend is defined by according to society

1. Always in communication
2. Stalks your crush on Facebook and approves them
3. Supports you in your endeavors
4. "Lays down their life"

Communication

If anyone were to take my phone and look at the call history or my text threads, my mother's number would be at the top 99% of the time. When I started college, I made sure to schedule in some time to talk to my mom, but that went away. That did not stop me from talking to my mom however.

It made me talk to her more.

I call my mom practically every chance I get. If I just turned in a lab report, taken a test, or written up a resident, my mom will hear about it. If I am bored and have twenty minutes before my next activity, I give her a call. There is not a second in the day that I couldn't talk to my mom, and I am very blessed with this opportunity.

Facebook Stalking

I have told my mom about every single guy that I think is cute. From the guy across the church to the kids in class to the cute barista at Starbucks, my mother has heard about them all. She gets to see the profile pictures of every single one, and she even lets me be silly in my stories. I fail constnatly in the relationship department, and she supports me through it.

At the same time however, my mom is a true best friend in this regard. A best friend lets you know when a guy is not good enough for you and helps you heal your heart. When I liked a guy for nearly two years that I was not worth my time, my mom did not just say, "oh hun that sucks, let's go get you another guy!"

My mom has helped me see that I need to find a true man of the faith, like my father and my grandfather. She has reminded me constantly of my worth as a person. While society is constantly telling me to pursue a man who does not share my beliefs because it is politically correct, my mother reminds me that my faith made me. While my friends tell me to forgive and give them a second chance, she reminds me that I am not worth the begging, but rather deserver to move on.

And as I have failed time and time again, my mom has been there to help steer me away from these boys that diminish my worth. My future husband is truly blessed to someday have this woman as his future mother-in-law for she will help me become the best wife I can be.

Support

Ever since I was a child, my mom has helped me to get where I need to go. When I thought I was going to be a doctor, she helped me study for my classes, find the right colleges, and even researched the best ways to pay for medical school and where to apply. When I changed my mind, she helped me pursue research and helped me write my REU personal statements. When I decided to be the first one in my family to go Greek, she listened to me talk about the entire recruitment process and she still asks me about all the details with a smile.

My mom does not just support my goals, but she makes them possible. I care way too much about what other people say, and as a result, I have fallen to self-doubt a numerous amount of times. Yet, no matter how many times I have tried to give up on myself or how many people questioned me, my mom has supported me and kept me on track. I have never quit something, and that is all thanks to my mother.

I never will fail because my mom won't let me. And I am blessed to know that.

"No one has greater love than this, to lay down 

one’s life for one’s friends" John 15:13

Jesus himself said that the greatest form of love is to lay down their life for their friends. While my mother has not died for us, she has given up everything for us. She chose to stay at home and raise six children while she could have been continuing her career in science, the one that I am starting to pursue myself. She gives up endless amounts of time and money just so that we may have best life possible.

My mom practically never sleeps. She is up super early to console my baby sisters and take the dog out, so that takes a toll on her sleep. And then on the other end, I am constantly keeping her up, crying to her about all of my irrational problems. Even still, my mom never complains about how tired she is to us. She loves us so much that she is rarely at rest, something that I could never pull off.

But my mom has done more than this.

I could say that these things could be done by any friend. And it is true, I have had numerous friends who at one point or another supported me in all that I am, talked to me about boys, and sacrificed for me. 

Sadly however, almost all of my best friends have left my life in some way or another. Some left because they were done. Some left because they didn't care about my problems. Some did far worse and stabbed the heart that I wear on my sleeve. Regardless of how, I have been left alone in the dust far too many times to count. This led me to feeling lonely and wondering if I ever would have a true best friend, the kind that people always seem to be talking about.

My Mom Never Left.

My mom has been there through everything. Each problem I have had typically causes a huge change in social situation. My mom still loves me. Each success I have had typically causes people to leave or come only for their benefit. My mom still loves me for me. Each failure typically causes me to be alone in my room, crying in the dark. My mom still loves me for me and calls me to tell me so. 

I kept praying for God to send me a real best friend. For years, I would lay awake, listening to sad music, begging God for someone to truly love me. I would tell people how lonely I was, and I sought counseling on so many occasions, yet nothing seemed to work.

In the interest of time, I will not share the story of the night that I finally opened my eyes. But to remind the ones who know, I had an extremely rough night where I completely hated myself for making the same mistakes I made in high school and hated myself for no true reason. My mom loved me through that. And in the morning, I went to Mass and heard the song, You Are Mine playing. I instantly thought of my mother who rocked me and loved me through everything.

My Mom Is My Best Friend.

For 21 years and nine months, my mom has loved me and been my friend. While the rest of the world has failed me, she never has. While I may have failed her, she never has. God did not need to send some person in to my life, but rather He let me hurt so I could finally open my dumb eyes and see that He gave me a best friend long before I even knew the meaning of those word.

God sent my best friend to this earth on this day and He made the world better because of it.

Thank you so much mom for being the best friend I could ever ask for.

I love you,

Felicity Rose

The 3 Things You Learn in Patton Hall (Especially as an RA)

As I am checking out all of my Patton Penthouse Princesses and start to move my things out of my complex for the last time, I think about all of the things that I have experienced within these halls. And while I could give a lengthy description about my experiences here, I will save you Dear Readers the torture and just share the three major lessons that I learned by living and serving in Patton Hall/Bear House that I think many people share in.

1. You Do You!
Patton is known for having fiercely independent residents, so much in fact that it is nearly impossible to get them to come to a program unless they literally walk in to it. This is because there are over 400 different people with different passions and different backgrounds. As a freshman, I remember trying to fit myself in to the building, but I couldn't relate to everyone. As a first year RA, I tried to have a substantial connection with each resident by taking on different personalities.

However, I did not get to bond with my residents or make friends until I was 100% myself. In Patton, as soon as you start to get involved in whatever activities mean the most to you, you will always find someone who shares that. Maybe you don't have a connection with everyone, but you will have friends who will. When I chose to accept my chemistry, my Catholicism, and my desire to love on literally every person who walked in the door, I suddenly was able to find people who shared my passions and I was able to celebrate the successes of everyone around me.

Patton allows for each of its residents to find themselves in a big and scary world. And once they find their passion, each person is able to find someone who supports that. Support builds a community, and while it may not be dorm-wide, you may be surprised by the communities that are created within your building. I never would have expected that a strange lobby would give me such joy.

Because freshmen actually end up with enough declining points to do this sort of thing

2. Love is always there and it always comes back

As I just said, the people you get to know are the ones that bring you up. In my time at Patton Hall, I have discovered that you will always find love somewhere. Sometimes its your best friend, sometimes its your RA, sometimes its a hall mate, but the moments that held the greatest impact were when someone I hardly knew would lift me up when I was down. 

In my RA times, I found out that if you love people with all of your heart, they will return that love ten fold. When I was upset about a boy or a class, my residents last year would take me to random fast food restaurants, force me to watch silly movies, and sat with me in front of my room, just chatting about life. They did this all to make sure they knew I loved them. 

My residents this year always checked up on me, and they were the ones who pointed out when something was wrong, even when I didn't want to admit it. They challenged me to be more and to do more and to keep striving for excellence. These girls gave me the confidence to do so much more than I ever believed.

I could never thank my staff enough for what they have done for me in these past two years. We have faced so many changes and trials, both individually and as a group. Yet no matter what happened, we always had each other's backs. No number of surprise sticky notes on doors could add up to the immense love and support that my staff has given me. When all else fails, an RA always has their staff to rely on. That is a gift that I could never have dreamed up on my own, and God truly blessed me with this strong community.

Some people are missing or changed over the years, but I could not be more blessed by them.

In Patton, what you put in is what you get out of it. There is no person that is not appreciated or important. Because I lived and breathed for the people within this complex, I had the blessing of being loved in return for the person I truly was, am, and will be.

And I know that even as times change someone is always going to be there

3. Accept Change

If there is any consistency within Patton it is the fact that nothing is constant in this building. The RD changes, the staff changes, the students are different, and everything else changes along with them. Many people from freshman year will wonder why you would rather sit in your lobby on a Friday or Saturday night every weekend instead of going out with them, and eventually some of them leave. Sometimes your closest residents have to leave because of a medical or family emergency or they just don't like Belmont anymore. Regardless, the environment is always changing.

And as all of the people within your world are moving around and moving away, life is still moving. You are asked to be a person who is always improving and living and changing as well. In my time in Patton Hall, I have had to face a million changes, and instead of crumbling underneath them, I have been called to adapt and grow from them. No longer am I afraid to go somewhere on my own, nor do I care what everyone else thinks of me. I believe that there will always be someone to turn to. My faith has grown exponentially, and it's all because God has given me the strength to become a better person and find people who can help me get there.

In Patton, your world changes, but there is constant love as well. No matter what is headed your way, you can take on the challenge. You are going to do amazing things, because of what you have been through before.

So here I am, about to take on a new change. After three years of living in my second home of Patton Hall/Bear House, my first real home in Nashville (because my family moved here and I legit moved in right away), and taking on the challenge of caring for the sophomores of Two Oaks. My role has changed, my environment has changed, and I have to take on that change as well. 

However, Patton gave me a gift to remind me of God's constant love and the support that this complex has given me since day one of Belmont. I get to take on another change with my twin Micaela.

We might be cute or something

I am so thankful for these three years in Patton Hall/Bear House. The memories that I have made here, the people I have met, and the successes I have experiences have built me into a better woman than the girl who entered Patton three years ago with no clue what was to come. I always wanted to be an RA, but I did not know how many blessings I would receive by serving in the same hall I grew up in for two years.

So thank you to the RA's, to the RD's, to the Residents, to Solomon the best maintenance man around, and to every person who walked through these halls with me.

Two Oaks here I come!

Throw It Out

Today I went to vigil mass with my friend Bryce, and Father Dexter was celebrating the Mass. As expected, he gave a great homily on the meaning of the Gospel. It is the one where Jesus is talking about He is the vine and we are the branches. Father Dexter focused mainly on this verses

"He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit,and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit." John 15:2

Because God made us, we are connected to the vine. Because God loves us, He cuts away the things in our lives that make it more difficult to do all that we are meant to do. However, sometimes we hold on to these things and refuse to allow them to be pruned away. Sometimes, we even fall off the vine ourselves, solely because we could not let go of something that was hurting us.

It hurts a lot doesn't it?

What I think is so difficult about all of this is we believe that we are all convinced that there is one perfect way to be. There is the perfect guy and the perfect girl and the perfect life. I mean, half of you Dear Readers are probably picturing the same things I am.

For me, the biggest struggle I have is the belief that there is a proper body type. A couple of guys who I was very close to said that I was either "too fat" or "too curvy" and I could not let that be the reason I remained single. So I built in the belief that I could perfect my body to the likings of this world. This body is lean and stick-like and fits in to the same clothes as a twelve year old girl. This body is so small that anyone could practically crush them with a hug. These are the girls I see everywhere I go.

I desperately tried to be this person. Even though I always made sure to eat, I lost countless hours of sleep going to the gym and I skipped out on fun events because I wanted to make sure I got my workout in for the day. Worst of all, I had a "fat dress" that I tried on periodically in order to see if I fit in to it still.

This dress is not one for a fat person. It is a size two.

God did not make me for this miserable life. And if you my Dear Reader feel the same way, I want to share this writing I found that showed what God really did mean for us. It's been abbreviated for time's sake, but you can find it online.

Before I became pregnant, someone told me, “don’t have a baby, babies ruin your body.“
How can I be ashamed of that?
My body grew that. Not everybody has that privilege.
Sure my belly is a bit softer nowadays, but the way it moves when I jump up and down sends my girl into fits of giggles. And yeah, my hips are hardly as narrow as they used to be, but they sure know the perfect figure-8 motion to sway her to sleep. My twenty-one year old hair is even beginning to gray, but not much soothes her more than my hair between her little fingers.
I am not something flawless in the eyes of society, or even close to what I once was physically, but my perfect girl sees me for who I am.
To her, I hang the moon. She knows  my heart - she knew it long before we met.
And she loves me for it.
I cannot tell you how much worth and validation I feel because of that truth.
My body is only a vessel for my spirit. An incredible vessel. It is strong, well, able, and undefeated.
My body is full of life.
My body is powerful.
My body made me a mother. If anything, I was ruined by the world before I knew her, and she made me whole again. " ~We Need to Stop Saying "Babies Ruin Bodies" by Ntima Preusser

So yeah, I do not have this stick figure. But I have the hips that will carry my future children. No, I am not rock hard, but in this year alone I have went from running one mile to five and bench pressing thirty more pounds. I have developed a healthy woman with more strength than ever before. I prize that with my greatest joy. No, I am not like everyone else, but I am beautiful. Every single person made by God is beautiful, regardless of what the world may want them to think. 

There is nothing wrong with the women who have that thin body type that I was once so obsessed with. They are beautifully and wonderfully made. They have a different role than I do. There is a reason why we have different clothing sizes, different weight classes, and jobs. Regardless of what you may think of yourself, there is something that you are designed to do and you alone are made for that task.

So then how do we move forward? We allow God to prune off the dead parts of our hearts that hinder our ability to do all that we are meant to do. We choose to live the life that He designed for us and love ourselves for what He made us to be. Sure, you may not know what that is yet; I know I don't. 

But I do know one thing: He made someone beautiful.

So I threw the fat dress out of my closet.

Throw away what is hurting you. You are worth far more then your "short comings"