Keep Moving Forward

On January 4th, 2015, my favorite Disney Movie, The Fox and the Hound was removed from Netflix.  While most people would simply be disappointed, my heart literally broke at the news.

It was not because I was upset that I could not easily access the film anymore.

It was because I could not dwell in the past anymore.

The Fox and the Hound is a charming film about how two unlikely friends come together, discover the reality of their world, and ultimately move on to living their own lives. For me, this film represents the many friends that have come and gone in my life. I projected myself in to a fictional world that could never leave me. Whenever I felt myself missing these people, I would rush to my room, grab any form of junk food I could (preferably cheesecake), and watch The Fox and the Hound alone in the dark.

Without the movie, I could not hide anymore.

I thought that I would have to face the loneliness and empty feelings head on. Because I could not pretend to be engrossed in the little Disney film, I knew that I would have to acknowledge everything I imagined instead. No longer could I hide from my past. No longer could I be the girl with her cheesecake and her feelings.

I had to be the basket-case with no friends.

At least that's what I thought.

And I know that I am not alone in this fear.


The Root of Our Problems Comes from Dwelling

I think that many people share a similar sentiment. We humans like to dwell in the past, to look backwards, as if sitting in that past scenario will change something. It is easier to be where we know everything.

Even if it hurts, we would rather accept the reality of then as opposed to reality of the now. After all, no one expects anything more of us, and very little effort goes in to sitting in our past. I know that it was easy to slip back in to my pity party with my Netflix and my cheesecake.

The most deleterious result of our laziness is an inability to forgive ourselves. We believe that there is something wrong with us, so fundamentally wrong that maybe just maybe the problem we are facing will never end. And so we do what we are wired to do...

“If you give your body a choice, it will always take the easy way out. Your body lies. It tells you it cannot when it can.”  ~Matthew Kelly

We go back to dwelling on the past. For me, it wasn't just watching The Fox and the Hound. It was telling the same stories over and over. It was apologizing for things that I had already been forgiven for. It was for constantly trying to make up for my failures that may have happened years ago. Nothing seemed to be enough for me.

Whatever it is that we do to dwell in our own failings...it is not helping us.

It is only forcing us to tell the same story.

Over and over and over again.


You Lose Yourself in the Dwelling Place.

Just because we were hurt by someone or hurt someone does not mean that there is any reason to dwell on that past reality. The fact of the matter is, the longer we sit in the past, the longer we have to deal with the past. We can't change it.

Sitting in the past can change us.

It can twist us and turn us and make us feel incompetent. It can make us feel like we are the worst person for the job and the most awful friend someone ever had. The past, and everything that comes with it, can only hold us back.

There is no point in dreaming when we believe that we are unable to change. In fact, our dreams are stuck in the distance, where we once held them, all because we are unable to move towards them. And in the midst of our dwelling, we become ordinary people with extraordinary potential....a potential that may never be met.

"Someone, at some point, came up with this very bad idea that an ordinary individual couldn't make a difference in the world. I think that's just a horrible thing." --John Skoll

But that's just it!

You can impact the world.

You can do something.

Put on a New Pair of Glasses.

If we want to be happier, then we need to stop dwelling in the past reality. We have to turn off the sad movies, pick ourselves up, and look around at the beautiful world that God put in front of us. If we sit in the dark, we will become dark. 

"What we're finding is it's not necessarily the reality that shapes us, but the lens through which your brain views the world that shapes your reality. And if we can change the lens, not only can we change your happiness, we can change every single educational and business outcome at the same time."  ~Shawn Achor

Shawn Achor's quote directly applied to what happened to me last night. I was driving my car when two songs that reminded me of some...not so happy... memories came on back to back. However, because I knew that I was driving back to school for my final semester, my mind had taken on a new mentality.

This was the home stretch. 

Last semester. 

Best semester.

I have no clue what is going to happen this semester. All I knew was that the girl that left campus at the end of December was ready to take on graduate school, and that I had found myself in the friends I had forgotten along the way. I knew that there was so much in store for the beautiful woman God created, and I knew that there was no way that I could let that go to waste.

I had to stop telling the same stories.

Tell A New Story

For the first time in a long while, I realized that you can't keep telling the same old story over and over again. You can't keep recycling that same old tale that seems to interest everyone. Just because it worked before does not mean that it is going to work later. People will lose interest, and what's worse, you have recycle all of the old emotions that you would rather get rid of.

I kept on repeating myself to an empty audience because I thought it made me interesting.

I watched the same movie over and over again because I thought it would make things better.

But when I decided to choose hope over nostalgia and fear, I found myself getting excited for everything that would come next. I found myself smiling brighter and looking at the world more clearly.

I started writing the next book in the series of my life.

As a point of reference: Mary Poppins is yet again my favorite Disney movie.

Thank you Dear Readers for letting me share this story with you.

A Lesson in Being Lonely

At the beginning of the semester, I ended my friendship with my best friend. It was meant to happen. However, I did not expect the pain that came from losing such a close friendship. 

No one tells you just how lonely it is going to be when you stop talking to your best friend. If they support your decision, they tell you that you can do better, and they will tell you that they are there for you. Of course, since it is not a break up by traditional means, most people tend to move on much faster than you do.

I spent most of this semester alone.

As an extrovert, I gain most of my energy from other people. I need to be around people, and I need to share my life with them. With a best friend, it is possible to simply sit in the same room without doing a whole lot. With a best friend, it is possible to tell them everything (even what you ate for breakfast). With a best friend, it is possible to visit them without much warning or planning. With a best friend, there is security.

I lost my security blanket.

And I was lonely.

And I was drained.

A couple weeks ago, I collapsed on the chapel floor. I sobbed for a half hour, asking God over and over why He thought it was a good idea to make the most extroverted person give up a friendship and not replace his constant companionship with something greater.

I could not hear Him, so I dragged myself across the floor to the altar. All I wanted was companionship, and I did not know what to do. As I continued to sob, I curled up around the altar, hugging the base as tightly as I could. That is, until my body finally relaxed and my loud sobs turned as weak my body had become.

And in that vulnerable state that God lead me to, He taught me a valuable lesson.

You are never alone.

It is hard to believe that you are not alone when you do not have a person. While the whole world seems to be able to share fun Buzzfeed links, have lunch, or laugh with someone, you are sitting off in the corner all by yourself. There is not an easy relationship that you can depend on anymore, and without that...you feel completely isolated from the world. 

No person?

No life.

That is simply not true. You do not need a person. You have your people. These are the people who love you and are there for you, but they do not monopolize your time. These are the people who share experiences with you, laugh with you, and grow with you, even if they are not there every day of the week.

Maybe they are people that have the same values as you 

They know what matters to you, and they support you in all you do. They understand when it is difficult to understand the tough stuff, and they listen to your late night vents about the "injustice" of it all. God taught me that these people, while not really your family, defend you like you are part of their family. People who share your values and let you love them remind us that we will always matter to someone and our thoughts are not worthless.

Maybe they are people that share your faith. 

They pray for you at night, and they are always willing to have a little Jesus chat at any point of the day. If anything, God taught me that sometimes we cannot hear Him directly, but it is through these people that we can hear His love. Their prayers reassure us that we will never truly be on our own in the good fight.

Maybe they are people that have been there all along.

These people are the ones that have watched you grow for a long time, and they have been at your side the entire time. Your communication level varies. However, you can always count on them. God showed me that these people are important because they see the whole picture. They see the dark corners, and they see the bright colors, and they love every bit of it. Silence does not mean that there is a lack of solidarity.

Maybe they are people you have yet to meet.

God showed me this year that sometimes you have to just yourself back out there. He forced me to find new people to talk to, and He gave me people that were willing to let me come in. They had to pry me away from my work sometimes, but they brought love in to my life in ways I had not yet experienced. 

Maybe they are the ones that have really been there all along.

These people share your genes, and they have seen you at every stage of your life. From the moment you walked to the moment you came home for the most recent vacation, they have been there for you. God really showed me this semester that even thought it is nice to have lots of friends, that a phone call home is just as effective as a heart to heart with someone new. I could not have made it through without calling my parents, cuddling my little sisters, or hanging out with my brothers. I never had to be afraid of rejection from them. Family is family, and they are never going to go away.

Your people will always be there. 

They may be pseudo families, church companions, old friends, new friends, or your actual biological family, but they are always there. It is not necessary for you to find them because they are already there. 

You have people.

They love you.

The only thing that you may be missing are your glasses. I know that I did not recognize my people until God brought me down to that level. Yet in my vulnerability, He reminded me of the people that love me for who I am, who I was, and who I will be.

By being lonely, I learned who loved me.

I think that's better than any lecture I attended.

How God Worked

My second most liked status on Facebook was on December 1st, 2015. The status was this:

Wow. I am just amazed by the support of my professors here at Belmont University. Not only did they support me when I discovered that I was rejected from FOCUS, but they also sat down and wrote my letters of recommendation for grad school which were due today as soon as I told them.

God could not have brought me to a more supportive and loving place

While many saw this status, it hardly depicts the story that it tells. God worked an amazing wonder in my life through this awful week, and I would like to share the story.

My top five graduate schools had application deadlines on December 1st. As I was still waiting for FOCUS to contact me, I had hardly touched the applications. I had not notified my advisors, and I had kept the idea in the back of my mind. Naturally, I thought that my laziness was simply the Holy Spirit telling me to be patient. After all, good things come to those who wait correct?

While I lazy, my parents were busy trying to make my dreams come true. They texted me to come home the night before applications were due. We were going to get them done, whether I was going to be accepted in to FOCUS or not. I came home, and immediately my father and I started working on the applications. My mom started with us as soon as she had brought my little sister home from dance. 

By the end of the night, all three of our laptops were furiously going, hastily trying to make the applications look as good as possible as quickly as possible. They read every line, paid for every fee, and gave me every ounce of confidence I needed.

I drove home feeling more confident about my future.

The next day, I received a phone call from FOCUS. Because I was in class, I had to call back. We played phone tag for a bit, and finally I got connected with my regional director. My hands shook as I anxiously waited for him to tell me that I had gotten the job.

I did not get the job.

He explained why, and I knew exactly which parts of the interview reflected those low points. I had been honest, and yet that was my downfall. I remembered feeling the need to tell certain stories to the interviewers, but my Earthly mind was angry at God for wanting me to talk about the low points of my life in such a manner. 

But God wanted me to speak as I did.

Because it set me up to experience what happened next.

Ten minutes after my phone call, I received an email from most of my potential graduate schools. Each one told me that if my recommendation letters were not in by that day, that I would not be invited for an interview.

No way could my professors do that in a day.

Suddenly, my entire future started to crumble in front of me. All of my dream schools were slipping from my fingertips. I was not asked to serve God on college campuses. Even though I had tried my best, it seemed as though God was taking everything away from me again.

After crying to my mother, I made the decision to suck it up and get things done. It was what I had been raised to do, and I was not going to give up just because of some seemingly large roadblocks. If God wanted me in graduate school, then He would get me there. All I had to do was my end of the deal.

I went to my two Belmont professors, and I told them what was happening. After my shpeel, which was riddled with tears and apologies, my professors each agreed to get my applications in. Now all that was left was talking to my REU advisor.

One of my recommenders had me sit in the room as she opened up every application. She wanted me to make sure that she had them all in, and she wanted to help me. My other advisor sent me an encouraging email after she finished all of my applications. As I sat in their offices, I texted my parents, "I want to be like them when I grow up."

He informed me that he had to turn in his grant proposal as well, but he would try his best to get to my recommendations.

I did not expect him to get them in. I prepared myself to contact every department to talk to them and make up for my mistake. I opened up back up applications. I prayed for hours, desperate to hear God's reassuring voice in my heart.

At 7pm, I was notified that every single application had been completed.

God made it possible for me to strive for my dream within 6.5 hours.

If this had been a normal experience, I do not think I would have had the opportunity to see just how blessed I was, nor would I have been inspired in the same way. By seeing my professors work to give me a future, I was inspired to do the same for my future students. By the support and love from my residents, I was inspired to continue loving undergraduates and reminded myself to keep that love in mind when I started teaching. By the work of my parents, I was inspired yet again to be the best parent I could be.

God showed me my future in one of the most stressful afternoons of my life.

It was as if He told me, "Felicity, I understand you had a vision for your future, but it was not the best plan for you. Look at the impact these people have had in your life. Look at the response in your heart. Look at how happy you are with the idea of going to graduate school. Here is your chance: take it."

And so I did.

While my plans may never be exactly what God wants, I know that He will always bring me where I need to go, and to the people I need to be around. He loves me for me, and He knows the inner workings of my heart. Because of God's love for me, I have found my vocation. Because of God's love for me, I have been saved. Because of God's love for me, anything is possible.

So that's my story. 

A Letter to My Residents

Dear Resident

If you opened this letter, then it means that you were either curious enough about what your RA has to tell you, or you were procrastinating just that much that you bothered to read something from that chick who thinks she can act like your mom, even though she is not even old enough to have a child. Regardless, I am grateful that you took time out of your busy schedule to read this.

I wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me that you probably would not know about. Being an RA is a hard job, but seeing you grow and having you in my life has made this job worth all the while.

When I am with you, I get to hear about all of your struggles. You can tell me when you are worried about life after graduation, and you can tell me that your are scared about changing your major again. I have the unique opportunity to be the person you can call when that boy breaks your heart again, or when your pet had to be put down and you need someone to give you a hug.

But I also get to watch you succeed.

I hear the cheers down the hall when you get the grade you needed on that exam you were so worried about. I see the smiles and laughs from the new love stories. I see your names on lists of positions on campus, the new letters on your doors, and the happy pictures on Instagram. I hear the love stories. Even if I am not always the first person you tell, I always get to see these happy moments, and I am honored to know about it.

By letting me in, you let me become part of your story. Your story is crafted so specially, and by being there, I get an insider's look at a critical part of your story. When the mountains are high, or when the valleys are low, or when there is nothing going on but you just have to tell me something random, I am there in that chapter.

You let me be a part of something greater than myself.

Yet you know that there is so much more to this job than me hearing you out. You know that I have to plan programs and I have to make sure to interact with you. You know there are obligations that are beyond the 2AM phone calls that lead to unhealthy food decisions, and the best memories.

I stopped writing down our time together on my community reports though. The time I get to spend with you is the highlight of my day. I get to love on someone who is so special, and even if it started as an obligation, spending time with you was not work anymore. Instead of being RA and resident, we became friend and friend.

It was not hard for me to send you a message, because I knew that you would respond. It was not hard to remind you of policy, because I knew you would understand. It was not hard for me to invite you to things, or for me to come with you to an event.

I do not fear being rejected anymore. While RA's are often left alone at a program, I always knew that my residents loved me. They had lives, and I know that you were no different. I understand that you really did not care about my crappy games or the lame movie I decided to show. I wouldn't either. Yet you always come up and apologize to me, and then we hang out on our own terms later.

You don't need a program or a community builder or anything fancy to be my friend.

I do not know how to express how thankful I am for you, my resident, becoming my friend. Sure, you were supposed to get along with me, but it astounds me that such cool people would actually opt to hang out with me.

You accept me for me. We share dreams together, and we laugh about the stupidest things. Sure, it's a little weird that we planned out my outfits when I went to hang out with my guy friend. Sure, it's a little odd that I need someone to approve the layout of my lab report. Sure, I am not always the most "cool" person to hang out with.

Yet you do it anyway.

And when I am unable to handle my own life...you are there for me too. You took the time to hear my story. Even if it was a little ridiculous, you still let me talk about that guy who definitely didn't like me or that professor that probably doesn't hate me that much. You understand why things are hard for me, and you let me be me in the face of it.

Thank you for letting me be vulnerable. Thank you for reminding me that vulnerability is what creates strong leaders. So thank you for holding me when I cried, and thank you for telling me that it is ok to not be ok. Thank you for supporting me against all odds.

Because of you, I never have to feel alone. As your RA, I built a community, and I know that it isn't perfect all the time, but I also know that in this community that I will be loved. What I built for you became exactly what I needed too.

So thank you for letting me hear your story, be a part of your story, and letting me share my story with you. Thank you for being the ones to let me in, and being the ones to let me come in. Thank you for understanding when I have to write you up, and thank you for understanding why I am crying about it ten minutes later.

Thank you for becoming the friend I needed.

Love always,
Your RA

What Is A Belmont Senior?

So many people ask me what being a senior feels like. They ask if I am going to miss everything, and they ask me what it feels like to do something for the last time. They ask what it feels like to see the ending. They ask what it feels like to know that it was my last registration, my last formal, my last...well...everything.

But they missed something.

Senior year is not about the last things.

Senior year is about seeing someone's first time...

Someone's beginning.

Senior is about knowing what someone's first time will mean down the road. It is being thankful for everything and celebrating everyone else's opportunity to experience the same things you did. You know who you become friends with after standing in lines, going to dances, and finding a new church. You know just how many amazing things are going to happen in their future.

So this is my letter to someone I haven't met, but I think they'd like to see this if they knew.

And even though it isn't exactly right...I think my senior friends would share the sentiments.

Dear Girl Who Sits in my Gazebo Now,
You don't know me, but I sat where you are sitting now. Sometimes at night, I go back, just so I can remember what I felt like three and a half years ago. I go back to the warm summer nights with the stars twinkling, when I had my first big "Belmont Memory." From the look in your eyes as you sing your songs in the rain, I can tell that you are doing the same thing as me.

Oh if you knew just how much was to come!

You are going to fall in love... You are going to love Nashville. You are going to love Belmont. You are going to love learning something, whether that takes place in your classes or not. There are going to be beautiful stars twinkling in your eyes as you find something special in your life week after week. And as you come back to this gazebo, you are going to find yourself wrapped up in the nostalgia of the happy days that you shared with the beautiful people you met here.

You are going to have your heart broken... You are going to meet that boy that makes your world stop, and he's going to fall in love with everyone but you. You are going to realize your future is not what you thought it would be. You are going to lose friends over nothing. And as you come back to this gazebo, you are going to find yourself wrapped up in its shelter as you cry for hours.

You are going to find yourself again... You are going to realize what you really want in life. You are going to make a best friend or two that actually loves you. You are going to find something that makes you smile, and no one can take that away from you. And as you come back to this gazebo, you are going to find yourself wrapped up in the mixed emotions that came from all of the memories you created here.

You are going to fall in love again... You are going to find love in all of the people who helped you find yourself again. You are going to laugh for hours over nothing with those same people, and you are going to love the way your stomach hurts the next day. You are going to love the freshmen that panic over registration, the sophomores that ask you why they still have to check boys in, the juniors that are perpetually late because they forgot that commuting takes longer than expected in Nashville, and the seniors who cry over becoming adults.

You love them because they are just like you.

And as you come back to this gazebo, you are going to find yourself wrapped up in the nostalgia, the shelter, the mixed emotion, and the joy of realizing just how much you have grown up in four years...

and the irony of how much further you need to go.

You are going to give it back... I am doing this to you now. There are so many positions and places that I have called home. But I am graduating in May, and someone needs to keep this campus running. Someone needs to help others, and someone needs to sit here and love like I did. I see you experiencing things like I had, and I see the sparkle in your eyes. I remember it all. I love you for being the new me.

As a senior, I have the opportunity to give someone else a chance to have the same happy memories.

As a senior, I have the opportunity to place trust in someone else.

As a senior, I have the opportunity to see the sparkle and the wonder and the awe that only fresh eyes and hearts may see.

Best of luck with these next three and a half years. You have absolutely no clue what lies around the bend, but as a senior, I can tell you that it is beautiful.

Love,
The Girl Who Sat Here Before

“I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. I will heal you.” -2 Kings 20:5

For those who may know me a little, it may come as a shock that I had a rough couple of weeks. Considering the fact I was successful with the GRE, have a FOCUS interview, and my residents love me, I should not be complaining about anything. There is nothing wrong with me...at least not in the general sense of the word.

I have been struggling because I couldn't hear God anymore.

In the past, I could go to the lab and feel confident in His gift of science to me. I could hear Him tell me how amazing the world was around me. Yet when I came in to the lab for the past few weeks, I could only think of how terrible it would be if my enzyme failed to work or if I was missing something by being stuck in a lab all day every day.

In the past, if I were to help a resident with a problem, I would feel as if I drew closer to them. I felt accomplished and like I had done something right. Yet when I started to bond with them on a deeper level again, I was anxious about their problems progressing or them lying when I checked up on them later on.

I went to the chapel and wept.

I begged God to tell me what to do.

It was silent.

As all of this was going on, I was watching many of those around me falling down in to some new level of sadness that I could not help with. I was watching people fill their holes with alcohol and drugs and sex. I was watching lives change, and I was unable to help anyone. I felt completely helpless where I once was so important.

I wanted to talk to these people.  I wanted them to know that I loved them, and that even if I was mere a Facebook friend that I was still there for them. Even though God wasn't talking to me directly, I would pray for them every night.

I did not know to do.

And God was not telling me anything.

Then I went to Adoration on Wednesday. We sang the song Letting Go by Matt Maher. And as I sang, I offered up all of the words to the God who I knew loved me, even if we weren't speaking clearly anymore.

I'm holding onto Your love
I'm letting go of myself
I'll say so long to everything else

I stand in awe of You
And everything You've done for me
You speak Your words into my life
And where You are is where I wanna be

And I came to this realization: Jesus completely understood what I was feeling. He loved us from before time began. That is a heck of a long time, so it would take a lot to change that love. 

He wanted me to know that He loved me. He wanted to tell me that it would all be ok. He wanted me to tell him everything, and He wanted to listen to me. He wanted me to feel loved by Him. And yet there I was, hiding from Him through worldly things. I was obsessed with what people thought of me, what job I would do, and what I was associated with. I did not care about who or what I loved. I was filling the God shaped hole in my life with everything else.

I was holding on

To anger

To jealousy

To fear

To loss

God wants us to let go of everything. He wants us to stop hiding ourselves. He loves us so much, and it kills Him inside when we ignore Him with our little problems that could very well be offered up to Him. He wants to have our whole lives, and He wants to be able to give it all back to us, renewed and changed.

I love these people. I love these people that I rarely speak to, or never speak to in some circumstances. I love them because God loved them first, and I want them to know rhat they are important.

God wanted me to know that.

So I am letting go

of my anger

of my jealousy

of my fear

of all my failures.

Let go of all these things too my friends. Stop hurting yourself by ignoring the God who loves you. 

Be happy.

You deserve to be hapy.

And if that means admitting that something needs to change in yourself, in your view of the world, in the way you have acted, then go ahead and do those things. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself live the life that God wants you to live. I assure you....it feels freer on the other side.

To the One Whose Love Seems Worthless

Dear Friend,

For your entire life, you have been loving on people. You have been the one that people can turn to in a crisis, in a moment of joy, and in the unexpected turns of life. If there was a need for love, you would fill it, no questions asked. Day after day you loved on these people.

But there was that one friend.

You know exactly who you are thinking of. It was that friend that seemed to respond to your love unlike the others. They would sit with you and listen to you, and what's more, they would thank you for everything you did. In a world of takers, it seemed like you were being given something. Your love had transformed from an output to an input.

But then they were gone...just like everyone else.

You tell yourself that it is ok, that you have been through this before. People have stopped being your friend before, and you clearly were helpful for them. Their lives are better now, and even if they did miss you, they have too much going on to do anything about it. You are happy for them.

But this friend is different. They seem to be completely the same. Nothing you did made a difference in their lives, and you feel like maybe it was your fault that they regressed to the person you used to know. Maybe you hurt them. Maybe you were the problem. Maybe your need for love was just too much for them, and they were relieved that you weren't around anymore.

Maybe your love is worthless.

Do not think that your life did not make an impact on their life. Think of ATP Synthase, the protein that allows for the creation of ATP, the "fuel molecule of the cell." Without ATP, the cell could not function, just as the world does not function without your ability to love. When ATP levels are low, molecules of ADP go in to the synthase and are released as ATP. At the end, the synthase looks completely the same, like the ATP/ADP reaction did not matter in the least bit.

But if you looked at the protein, you would see that this reaction did change the ATP Synthase. As the ATP was being reformed from ADP, the Synthase was rotating. It was only a small distance, but the protein moved. And it was the ATP's decision to change and leave the complex that allowed for this shift to happen.

A friend does not just let you sit in the same place for your entire life. A friend teaches you how to love, how to give back to those who gave something to you. If you have a valuable friendship, then you are able to move outside of this friendship to love other people. Some friendships last forever, but others end, but at the end of the day, a truly valuable friendship causes a change in both parties so that more love may extend to the world.

Sometimes we are the ATP Synthase, taking people in and letting them go. Sometimes we are the ATP molecule, being released from the seemingly unchanged Synthase. We give something to the synthase, we cause it to move, and in the end, we are changed for the better.

But that change in our hearts does not go in vain.

As the synthase moves, more ADP comes in.

Your decision to love more than one person, to be ok with the gradual release of a relationship, is what allows for more people to come in.

You may never be able to see the impact you made on someone's life. You may never have the opportunity to hear about the good things you did, or the way things got better for your former friend. You might search for answers for years, but you may not find them in conversations or Facebook posts or the awkward smiles on campus.

But you felt the shift when you changed for the better.

You know what happened.

You know you mattered.

So regardless of how you may think everything turned out, remember that your love did have an impact. Your life made a difference in the life of your friend. Your decision to enter their life and love them caused a shift.

Your love matters.

Always.